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Jorge’s relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He’s seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.
It’s not unusual to develop an interest in someone who’s already taken, but knowing what to do about it can be tricky—especially if they’re into you too.
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Crushing on a guy who’s already taken can be frustrating and confusing, especially if he’s crushing on you too. If you’ve been left wondering why he likes you in the first place and what you’re supposed to do about it, don’t worry—you’re not alone.
1. If He Has a Girlfriend, Why Does He Want Me?
Unfortunately, just because a guy already has a partner doesn’t mean he won’t try to do the dirty with someone else on the side. Here are a few reasons he might be interested in you as a “side piece.”
You Are Exciting Because You Are New to Him
He has a girlfriend, but he flirts with you. Why? Probably because he is bored.
Lots of times when people get bored in relationships, they start looking to branch out to someone else on the side. By all means, you could be an extremely interesting person, but when people are looking to cheat, they’re usually just excited by the prospect of newness. Just because they’ve chosen to flirt with you doesn’t necessarily mean they see you as “girlfriend material” or anything more than a booty call.
He Wants an Easy, No-Strings-Attached Fling
Speaking of booty calls . . . Most cheaters just want to hook up with someone other than their partner. They want variety. This is why a guy who has a girlfriend might flirt with you and try to get in your pants. But if his relationship is well-established, it’s unlikely that he’ll want to leave it, and he’s probably more interested in an easy fling.
If this is okay with you and you have no qualms about helping someone cheat, then fine. However, if you have delusions that you are going to be his new girlfriend or that your connection with him comes from some kind of sense of forbidden love, then take a hard, objective look at the situation. You may not even be the only one he is playing this game with.
He’s Having Relationship Troubles
If things aren’t going well in his current relationship, he may get with someone else in the hopes that his girlfriend will end things for him. While this is undoubtedly a low-down, cowardly way to end a relationship, it isn’t uncommon. Sadly, some guys simply find it easier to mess things up and “force” a breakup that way than just talk about why things weren’t working in the first place.
He Doesn’t Think He’ll Get Caught
Another shady reason he might be flirting with you even though he already has a girlfriend is that he doesn’t think he’ll get caught. As disheartening as it is, if a guy gets into the habit of cheating and never experiences any repercussions, he may develop a “Why wouldn’t I cheat?” mindset.
She Cheated On Him, First
If this guy was cheated on by his girlfriend in the past, he may feel that cheating on her is only fair or what she deserves. This one can be a little tricky because if he tells you that his girlfriend cheated on him first, you may try to convince yourself it’s okay to help him cheat back.
Unsurprisingly, this isn’t likely to lead to any type of healthy interaction between the two of you, so unless you’re sure you’ll feel no later regret about being the “other woman,” you probably want to give this guy a pass and move onto greener (and less taken) pastures.
What should you do if find yourself attracted to someone who already has a partner?
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2. He Likes Me, and I Like Him, but He Has a Girlfriend
Did you accidentally find yourself flirting with a guy who already has a girlfriend? Before you feel too guilty, know that this is a fairly common thing, and a bit of harmless flirting never killed anyone. As long as you don’t cross the line, it’s pretty normal to be occasionally interested in people who already have partners.
On the other hand, do you actually want to “cross the line” and take things further? Are you feeling guilty because he’s flirting with you and clearly wants to get busy behind his girlfriend’s back? And because you want to let him?
That can be a problem. Unless you’re committed to becoming the other woman (and you’re prepared for all that entails), it’s usually best not to get involved with a guy who’s already with someone else.
3. What Should You Do If Your Crush Has a Girlfriend, But He Flirts With You?
One of the most common things you will hear someone say when they do something they later regret is that they “didn’t mean to” at the time, or it “just happened.” This can certainly be the case in a situation where a guy is flirting with you, but has a girlfriend. Maybe it starts out as harmless flirting but quickly escalates to something else. How do you get what you want without being pushed into the role of “the other woman” or ending up a home-wrecker?
If the guy you like (and who likes you) has a girlfriend, and you don’t know what to do about it, here are a few tips.
Make Your Stance Clear
If you tell this guy that he’s wrong for flirting with you, but then you flirt back and egg him on, you’ll be sending mixed signals. After giving it some thought, pick one approach and stick with it. Either it’s okay for the flirting to continue, or it’s not.
Again, think long and hard about this one—are you really okay with being the other woman and all that it entails? Ask yourself: “Where is this all going?” If the answer is “nowhere good,” then you know what you need to do.
Be clear about your boundaries and what you don’t want to do, and make sure that he knows this. Don’t be coy about it, or he may keep pushing until he gets what he wants. If you just want to “see where it goes,” then it will naturally go where he wants it to go. The person with the strongest agenda in the situation will usually win.
Don’t Interfere With the Relationship
If you really like the guy, you may be tempted to steal him away from his girlfriend and break them up. This can set a really bad tone for the new relationship, though. It’s better to let their relationship take its natural course.
If they’re really on the rocks, it’s only a matter of time until they break up anyway. If they aren’t, then he probably has no intention of seeing you as anything more than a side piece.
Swoop In When the Dust Settles
Wait it out, and if they break up, then you can swoop in and take the guy for yourself. This is how to properly get a guy with a girlfriend—by waiting until he is naturally single.
You might not want to wait that long, but it’s the only way to give yourself a clean start to the new relationship without having it be overshadowed by the drama of the old one. Even still, you may want to give it a little time before attempting to start a relationship with this guy.
Give him the time he needs to process his previous relationship. Trust me, things will get off to a much better start between the two of you if you don’t rush into a relationship the day he got out of his last one.
If your (mutual) crush already has a girlfriend—and you’re not content with being the other woman, and all that entails—it’s best to keep things casual until they separate naturally.
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4. Why Not to Get Involved With Someone in a Relationship
While there are many reasons you may feel tempted to get involved with a taken man—to boost your ego or your adrenaline, among others—there are also many reasons not to. If you’re the kind of person who likes to live a drama-free life, here are a few things to take into consideration before you decide to get involved with someone who’s already in a relationship.
He’ll Lie to You Just as Easily as He Lies to Her
Does he talk badly about his girlfriend? Does she just seem like an awful person according to what he’s told you, and you can’t blame him for looking elsewhere for a girl?
Well, guess what? He’s still with her. Chances are, his stories are greatly exaggerated and skewed to justify what he’s doing. People do this a lot when they cheat on their partners. Not only does it help them feel a bit less guilty, but it can elicit sympathy from the person they’re cheating with.
If you are considering this guy as potential boyfriend material, you may want to give it some deeper thought. He’s trying to seduce you when he already has a girlfriend, so who’s to say he wouldn’t just do the same to you if you were to get together? Wouldn’t you always distrust him a little in the back of your mind? Cheating is not a good way to start a relationship.
He Doesn’t Deal Well With Situations He Doesn’t Like
While the prospect of a man wanting you more than he wants his current partner might feel exciting in a way, be wary of how he deals with situations he finds undesirable. You may harbor fantasies that he’ll leave her to be with you and that you two will have a beautiful life together, but you are the direct evidence of his inability to deal with unpleasant situations head on. So even if the two of you were to enter into a relationship, it’s highly likely that he’d fall back into the same behavior if you two were to have any problems.
Hiding an Affair Gets Old Fast
When you’re seeing someone who’s already in a relationship, the amount of duplicity and secretiveness can be exhausting, especially if it lasts for a long time. Having to keep your relationship a secret also deprives you of one of the sweetest parts of being in a relationship—the ability to walk proudly as a couple and enjoy yourselves without constantly worrying about being caught.
If His Girlfriend Finds Out, You Might Be in the Middle of a Dramatic Breakup
If you start flirting back and eventually get physical with him, it could very easily get back to his girlfriend. While a mature person would leave you out of it, you have no guarantee that his girlfriend is like this. You never know if you’ll end up getting pulled into the middle of the drama and have to take 10 sharp, manicured nails to the face.
Is this worth it? Do you want to deal with all of the emotional turmoil of someone else’s love life? Do you want to be responsible for hurting the girl you’re helping him cheat on? If not, then consider passing on this guy.
If you repeatedly “steal” other women’s partners, you may need to take some time alone to work on your own issues.
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5. But I Want Him! I Don’t Care If He Has a Girlfriend!
If you are fixated on a guy to the point where you are willing to get between him and his girlfriend and destroy the relationship, then you probably have an unhealthy attachment to him. There are plenty of guys out there who are single and will flirt with you because they want you, not just the possibility of some sneaky side action.
Don’t you think you’re worth more than that, anyway?
Furthermore, if you look back on past behavior and notice a pattern of “stealing” other women’s boyfriends (or mate poaching), you might have some deeper emotional issues that you need to examine. If you only feel validated when you win the affection of someone else’s partner, and you view love as some kind of competition, take some time to be with yourself alone; your self-esteem could use some serious work.